Finding confidence in not being confident: it’s OK to not love your scars

Sometimes being told to embrace your scars is easier said than done.

Scars come in all sorts of forms, from acne to stretch marks, and we’re all likely to experience them in one way or another.

While I’m fortunate to have never experienced serious skin problems, I have struggled with blemish scars where my skin tends to hold on to discolouration even after a pimple is long gone. Anyone who has struggled with blemishes knows that they can be a PAIN to clear because as soon as you manage to fade one, another mark emerges.

For the majority of my late teen years, this has been something I’ve battled with and has often caused me difficulty with feeling confident in the way I look. Looking at photos of myself from when I was 14, I realise that I had extremely clear skin yet I covered my face with foundation... I would give anything now to feel confident when makeup-free in public.

There are only a handful of people who have seen me without makeup: my family, my boyfriend and my close friends (none of which have ever brought me down for my scars), but sometimes I can’t even find the confidence to leave the house without at least concealer on.

Social media is flooded with posts and campaigns encouraging self-love and to embrace your imperfections, and I absolutely love the positivity. However, sometimes it isn’t as simple as reading a post to change the way you feel about your insecurities.

“Scars tell your story”

“They’re battle scars”

Sometimes these things do boost my self-esteem, but almost in a way where I feel obligated to adopt this mindset. That’s why I’m writing this post; recently I have come to terms with being confident in not being confident. I know that might not sound great, but let me explain.

So much time online is dedicated to telling people to love their scars and imperfections that it’s almost wrong to disagree. Instead of hiding our scars, we now hide that we don’t love them. This sensationalism on social media has, in a way, overlooked the fact that not loving your imperfections is perfectly OK and wanting to change them is just as valid.

This isn’t to say that embracing your imperfections is wrong. In fact, this is just as acceptable as not loving them because being able to accept your appearance is one of the best ways to encourage a healthy mind. Having said that, it’s important to remember that forcing yourself to do this could be more damaging. If changing your insecurity is going to bring you as much happiness as another person embracing theirs, then that’s all that matters.

I wouldn’t even go as far as to call scars a ‘flaw’ because the perfect image doesn’t really exist - being human is perfect enough. Instead of seeing my scars as a ‘flaw’ I recognise that they are something that lowers my confidence, but that doesn’t make me any more ‘flawed’ than those with clearer skin.

Along the same lines, it’s important to note that when I confidently say that I don’t love my scars, I’m not saying that I love myself any less. It’s fine to feel unhappy with an imperfection, but letting it define who you are is completely different. It’s having the courage to say "my scars don’t make me feel confident and I want to change it” rather than bottling up how you feel for the sake of #selflove - that’s not truly loving yourself.

Do I love my blemish scars? No. Does it make me insecure? Sometimes. Would I want to change it? Absolutely. But do I let it define me? Never.

With my skin seeming to finally move out of a problem phase, I’m in the process of fading my scars so that I can feel more confident. This doesn’t mean that every person and every imperfection has to change, I have plenty of other imperfections that I can happily embrace. I know that working on myself in this way will make me happier, and that’s more than OK.

So next time you’re scrolling through Instagram and see a post encouraging you to embrace your insecurity, just remember that you don’t have to force yourself if you struggle to do so. Put your happiness first, not a hashtag.