Unapologetically Me

Anyone who knows me will know that I'm an extremely sentimental person, and having just turned 20 I couldn't help but feel that an era has ended. The idea of no longer being a teenager has led me to reflect on my experience of these years, and particularly what they taught me about who I am.

Something that sticks out so prominently is that I feel so much more me now than when I was in my early teen years. I was shutting in things I wanted to express because my shy self thought being quieter would be the easiest way to avoid judgement. It's almost quite difficult to describe this feeling because I didn't really acknowledge it at the time, and only now feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm free to just express myself.

I've grown so much as a person since then and have gained a certain confidence in my identity. Having said that, those juvenile concerns are occasionally reflected in late teen experiences. Many of us have felt 'inadequate' at one point or another as a result of social standards portrayed in the online world, whether that's beauty, body image, grades, or career, the list goes on. When you're shown these 'ideals' on a daily basis, it can become an obstacle in trying to understand who you are and cause a lot of confusion. You might recognise that what is shown online is often an inaccurate representation of life, but that doesn't always make it easy to stop comparing yourself to what you see.

As I've become older, and especially in the last few years, I've truly learnt what it means to not care about these things anymore. Not to focus on anyone else's perception of ideals and rather make my own happiness a priority. When I was younger, I was so concerned with what others thought of me and being accepted, but now I know that I'm good enough for myself and those around me.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't always the easiest mindset to uphold, but it's one I always come back to. I've learnt that you'll be your best self when fuelling your own happiness.

Often you hear the struggle being with 'self-image', but it seems to me that the issue is rather that our idea of self-image is established by others' standards. But why do we allow this? The only validation you need is your own, so surely we should make self-image about ourselves and the kind of person we want to be.

The sooner I accepted this, the sooner I was able to tell myself that I'm confident in who I am. The rest just comes naturally; you'll feel more motivated about your passions, more energised, and radiate a positive self-esteem. This is something I recognise in myself that wasn't necessarily there before - I'm unapologetically me.

Like I said, it isn't always easy to be so carelessly yourself when feelings of insecurity kick in, but I have realised that making even the smallest of changes to your mindset can encourage an improved self-confidence.

Rule number one is to stop apologising. This was the main barrier for me and as soon as I stopped feeling the need to apologise for being myself, my confidence grew hugely. It might be cliché, but there is only one you, you're unique and you don't have to apologise for that. I also think that as you become older, you realise that people don't judge anywhere near as much as you worry about when you're younger. You're not living your life for anyone else, you do you!

Alongside this, just doing the things you love will evidently make you feel happy. The feeling of having to have the right interests to blend in ultimately takes away the things that make you, you. Create a lifestyle with hobbies and interests that bring you positivity and just allow yourself to have free expression.

Neither of these things can happen if you're holding on to feelings of negativity, and I'm very quick to blame myself for this. Listen to how you're feeling, allow yourself time for it, accept it, and move on. There's no value in heightening those emotions, so don't blame yourself for feeling how you do and get going with finding your spark again. We're human, we have emotion, and it's our choice as to how we respond to it.

These are only a handful of ways that I've seen my perspective change over the past few years, but I'm by no means perfect at practicing them. I'm still learning, but I've come a long way from that shy girl just trying to make it through her teen years. My self-confidence has grown hugely and I'm so much happier for it.

Just allowing yourself to be you is the first step.